Marine technicians lament: Two lengths of screw

Economy of scope

"A proportionate saving gained by producing or using two or more distinct goods, when the cost of doing so is less than that of each separately"

In todays lament, we are talking about screws, has there been a sudden shortage in screws and fixings? If so I would like to ask someone to confirm this, I have enough stainless screw screws in every pitch, length and head type that I could flog them at auction and retire. The reason I ask is because based upon what I keep seeing, factories seem to only have two lengths of screws and fixings available to them, long and very long.

I fully understand that everything on a boat moves, so must be held in place securely, completely logical. What is not logical is to use a screw or fixing that is so long that its like a children's party magician pulling the handkerchiefs out of their sleeve. To really rub salt in the wound, a lot of the screws have been installed with a screw gun, if you're lucky, the operator was a balanced individual who had set the torque correctly, if you're unlucky it will have been tightened like it was being installed on a submarine, using enough torque to stop the planet rotating. If you really hit the jackpot, the cherry on the cake is the screwhead will be damaged. The humble crosshead screwdriver

So what?

Well, in most cases in means nothing more than sore carpal tunnels and possibly some cursing of the installers lineage, there are some instances where this practice does become an utter nuisance;

Upholstery

Fixing upholstered panels and cushions in place, you cannot imagine the number of times I have knelt on an overly long screw, this usually also makes a hole in the upholstery, sunpads on engine hatches are particularly known for this. I do not understand the need to install screws so long that go through the fibreglass, into the upholstery backing panel and then into the upholstery foam, it wouldn't be so much of a problem if the screw only just poked through the panel, but know, they go right through and lie in wait in the foam for the unsuspecting victim to get impaled.

Flat rates and time

Flat rate is what a certain job is meant to take, especially when performing warranty work, job "x" needs "y" minutes and that's what will be paid, fine, until the technician performing "x" needs to remove dozens of overly long and unnecessary screws and fixings.

"Why not use an electric screwdriver, save time?" Great idea, find one that fits in a lot of the areas where jobs need to be done The access becomes particularly important on smaller boats where large engines have been shoehorned in, engine room or motorbox side panels need removing, rarely leaving enough for a cordless screwdriver.

Dashboards or electrical panels

A lot of new dash panels are made so there are no visible exterior screws, it makes for a good clean look. From time to time, these panels have to be removed, replacing navigation electronics or even in some instances just installing a chart card involves removing dash panels (don't ask, the school of great looks but total impracticality). To achieve this clean design, threaded bars are inserted into the back of the panels, the bars are designed to be cut to length, which they usually are, a length so overly long that you could use the overage to hang your coat on, even deep sockets cannot get right to the bottom, so lots of tool swapping and time, this is all based upon having access to the fixings in the first place.

Hidden assassin

The head of a fixing just waiting to cut you to ribbons when working, usually when you have your hands behind a panel or working in any area you cannot see into completely, you put your hand in and it comes out looking like you've been fighting a tiger. There is a secondary effect to excessively long fixings, I have seen several start to chafe wiring looms, these types of electrical problems can be incredibly difficult to locate and to avoid too much downtime or expensive invoices, new wires are run.

This was a new one for me, these hidden screws were put in from the outside, they were the last fixing for some upholstery in an open bow sports boat. This means these screws were installed before the two parts of the boat were joined together, it also means somebody thought this was the correct thing to do.

Conclusion

The problem of these fixings does seem to be associated with more mass production boats, even some who should know better, lower volume boatyards don't seem to do this. I expect it goes back to he opening statement, economies of scope, where having many different fixings would impact on profit margins and the production line, Quality Vs bean counters, the demise of the boatbuilder.

The good thing is we can always change fixings, during a refit, a lot of fixings gets changes and items get moved around, you just would not expect this sort of installation to be present in boats costing seven figures, made by companies who have been in business long enough to know better. Maybe Ikea should start taking over a couple of boatbuilders?

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