Tales from the boatyard, anything but that one!

Just another day in the boatyard, all is going to plan, nothing has broken, there's not too much wind, not too hot, haven't run out of antifouling and all the anodes in the world are in stock, nice easy life, but wait, the boatyard manager comes over, a bunch of keys in hand, could you bring over boat "X" from the port and put it in the travel lift, you freeze, did you hear that name right? You want to scream, throw yourself on the floor like a toddler having a fit in a supermarket when they cant have ice cream, why me?

Everyone who works full time in boatyards, boat dealerships, service centres, ports, they have a list of boat names, the ones they try to avoid like the plague. You hope you are not there when they have to come out of the water, you want to be on holiday far far away, out of communication range, in outer space or the dark side of the sun. Why is this? well, the blame is on boat owners. Every year, some boats come to the yard looking like they are preparing for the apocalypse, they go back to their berths looking half decent and, that's as far as a lot of these boats navigate sadly.

I will also say it is mostly sailing yachts that are the worst offenders, followed by trawler yachts. Neither one is owned by a sailor or someone who wants to travel by boat, the owners got them not to use as a boat but because they wanted an abode on the coast and annual berths are cheaper than apartment community fees. Because of the age of the boats, an annual haulout and inspection is required, some ports are not keen on having boats that look heavily neglected in their marinas either.

So what is the problem? Its just an old boat, well, here is a list of reasons that drive boatyard staff, captains and any other person unfortunate enough to be nominated to go fetch one of these boats, these rules don´t just apply to "homeowner" boaters, no, others are also guilty of some of these crimes too.

Fender ropes

More specifically knotted lines, fenders tied to guardrails, sun awnings, cleats, other fenders, using knots that are not known in any boating circles, even the scouts would look on in approval, such is the permanence of the routed lines, moreover, in my part of the world, the sun will have baked these ropes into rocks, so you hope that the dock in the marina is the same height as the one where the yard is, or maybe the fenders might coincide in a few places within the travel lift or crane space.

Deadlines

I don't mean getting the boat to the yard at a specific hour, I mean the ropes known to Mediterranean boaters, picked up from the dock and attached at the other end to the seabed, they are used to hold the boat off the dock, it is rare to have alongside berths in a lot of places once you pass the Straits of Gibraltar heading east.

These lines are often a lot thicker than is really necessary, the ports have to ensure their strength probably due to minimizing their insurance liability if they break. These lines if they are not kept as much as possible out of the water get growth on them, a little slime is normal, no problem, however, when the lines are left in the water, all manner of creatures grow on them, making these lines very heavy, so heavy in fact that when it comes to pulling them up again when the boat returns to its berth, it needs at least two people to do it, I am not joking, we came across one deadline that weighed more than a hundred kilos, the colonies of mussels that had formed must have been thirty centimetres in diameter. 

No ropes

Seeing as so many of these boats do not go anywhere, the owners fail the need to have one single on board, I admit, the few hundred metres in between the berth and the haul out, it is unlikely, but sometimes plans change, maybe you need to tie up outside of another yacht or throw a line to the staff on the dock to help you into the crane.

No fuel

I mean, why would there be, the boat is not going anywhere. I am sure the gauge on some of these boats has not moved in years. it is frankly a salute to the old mechanical motors, both diesel and gas that somehow seem to run on something more in common with varnish or treacle than a combustible fuel. I will not lie, it does sometimes give pause for thought and you ask yourself whether it would just be a better idea to tow the boat over to the yard.

Packed to the gunwales

Spare fuel cans on the deck, this is one thing, in spite of the fact the boat doesn't move, its the other things that are strewn all over the place that make the task of actually moving the boat difficult at best, dangerous at worst, barbecues are one such item, ladders are another, these seem like very common items to leave on the decks on these boats, this is before we get into the lockers, in the desperate search for a rope, you will not find any, you will find, small outboard motors, deflated dinghies, tins of paint, tins of acetone, tins of who knows what and many empty gas cylinders, presumably for the aforementioned barbecues.

Trip and garotte hazards

You shouldn't just be looking down, you need to keep your head on a swivel when taking these boats to the yard, I give you, the fishing line seagull deterrent, because obviously the owners would not want their floating condo covered in mess, they string lengths of fine fishing line from masts, arches, antennas, anywhere and everywhere, in certain light, these lines are invisible, I have fallen foul of the attempted  assassination by fishing line strangulation on more than one occasion.

Too far off the dock

This is to protect those barbecues from thieves. It is actually quite the feat of acrobatics and strength, how is it possible to leave the boat that far off the dock with the docking lines tighter than piano strings and still get off the boat?

Pasarelles

No, not the remote control ones that you can operate from the dock and step onto like a gentleman, homemade ones, usually using bits from those ladders on the deck, with all manner of wooden planks fixed to them, often hung from halyards when not in use, often fixed in place using string, nearly always at my head height just waiting to knock me out when the wind blows in the wrong direction.

Padlocks

Everything is under lock and key (which you will not have), the deck lockers with their precious treasure of empty tins will be firmly secured by sometimes more than one padlock, such is the value of rusted steel on the black market. You discover this usually when you know something you really need is inside, such as a rope (the only one on board and so must be locked up), a boathook with a hook (there will be several piled up with the ladders but they are no just boat poles, not hooks on them.

At odds with looks

Here is the kicker, the reason the boatyard is very happy to assist in any way possible to bring in these boats, a lot of them spend a lot of money. Quite apart from antifouling, anodes and the usual bread and butter yard work. Replacement decks, shorepower systems, thru hulls and seacocks, even a bow thruster, pretty well equipped for boats that don't move.

As I wrote earlier, its not just the non movers of the boat world that are at fault, my particular favourite is the fender knots that refuse to undo, closely followed by the boats being impossible to board for one reason or another.

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